“Go back?” he thought. “No good at all! Go sideways? Impossible! Go forward? Only thing to do! On we go!” So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.”
― J.R.R. Tolkien, The Hobbit
That is how we feel a lot in life. Holding up our little sword in front of us and feeling the wall and moving forward. Never knowing exactly where we are headed but knowing that standing still in the darkness is not an option. Only moving forward, one step at a time. Not knowing of any certainty in life but to move and keep moving. I don’t know what tomorrow holds, or even the next millisecond. Each moment holds promise and sometimes tragedy, but moving forward is still the only option.
Sometimes I feel like I could dig a hole and hide in it and not come out. Get lost in my make believe world where I made all the right choices and only have sunshine and flowers and beauty and happiness, but then I wouldn’t be who I am today. I wouldn’t know the wonder of success if I had never tasted failure. I wouldn’t know the power of love and passion if I had never felt loneliness and heartache. So forward we go. Scared to death and sometimes frozen in fear, only moving forward will do.
It is the uncertainty that prods some of us to move forward and that same uncertainty that causes some to cave in and quit. Why does it do that to us? Why can’t we help everyone to decide to move forward, to buckle down and keep trying, to pull yourself up by your own bootstraps. I wish I could be the fixer that makes it possible, but then I would find myself trying to fix myself because there are many times that I too have wanted to give up. To just throw in the towel.
When I look at what growing old does to people, how the end of life seems so tragically sad; to see the emptiness it can create, the sorrow that it brings, it makes me so sad. I looked at my frail Dad today of only 130 pounds a man of pretty sizable stature who is just skin and bones now, I found myself hoping that by the time I am frail and failing in health that there will be a pill that I can take to just fall asleep and end the suffering. It doesn’t matter to me if anyone agrees with my opinion, it is just that, my opinion.
But for now, I will attempt to put one foot in front of the other. Take one waking moment at a time and hope that there will be light at the end of the tunnel. Hope that what I do each moment of each day will make a difference in someone’s life. Hope that I can help someone smile or just not give up. To somehow believe in themselves and be willing to try again.
“So up he got, and trotted along with his little sword held in front of him and one hand feeling the wall, and his heart all of a patter and a pitter.”